I had plans. I know I mentioned them, they weren’t even that ambitious. Relatively, anyway. But apparently they were still too ambitious for where I am at the moment. One of my plans, one that wasn’t mentioned, was to get this site going semi-regularly and then starting posts like this, where I get into a bit more serious stuff. I even managed to kinda do that a little! But, well, mental illness is a bitch.
I have ADHD-PI, PTSD, depression, and anxiety. To translate the acronyms: Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder - Primarily Inattentive, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Now I know a lot of people out there have a very negative, or at least skeptical, opinion of ADHD. Yes, it exists. No, it’s not just young boys bouncing off the walls. The type I have used to be called ADD, or Attention Deficit Disorder, but the official names have changed as our understanding of the disorders changes, and I like to use the most up to date terminology, or at least the most up to date commonly used terminology. And yes, girls can have it. We tend to be overlooked for a variety of reasons. Who suspects the quiet girl who’s always reading a book? Most people think a kid wanting to read all the time is a good thing, right? Except when I say always reading, I mean always. I used to get my books taken away frequently because I was reading when I was supposed to be listening to the teacher. Nor do most people grow out of it, it just becomes more internalized. We get called spacey, forgetful, and unreliable. It’s having Netflix, a video game, and two different chat apps open on 4 different computer screen, and still opening a book during loading screens. It’s having the best of intentions that I’m actually gonna do the thing this time, but failing a few days in. Like attempting to post things on a website. It’s writing a rambing paragraph attempting to explain ADHD, and forgetting what the topic of this was when I started.
Anyway, enough of that. Individually, my diagnoses wouldn’t be too bad, especially since I’ve gotten on medication, which is a life saver, almost literally. But together they feed into each other, exacerbating the worst aspects and making it difficult for me to do anything other than read books and play video games. And sometimes even those are difficult.
I’m pretty sure I had a plan when I started writing this, but that was yesterday, and now I’ve rambled a bit and can’t remember where I was going with this. I guess I just wanted to put this out there, to explain why, despite what I said in the beginning, I can’t seem to write more than one post a month, if I’m lucky. I’m just rambling out into the void, where exactly 0 people will read this. So I’ll stop here before I write anything more to make myself cringe when I re-read it later.
Thanks for reading, and may the Force be with you!